Desin tegr ati o n .

I should be happy,
Now that I finally have
What I so longed for.

But panic wells up,
forces out, terror engulfing
held against the dark like it used to happen only in my dreams
you whisper softly,
hug me closer

and I cry instead.

this isn't how it's supposed to go
(where is my laugher)
why be afraid of what I've finally escaped

now that I'm free
I encircle myself with chains
when I tore down the walls inside me
there was nothing (to keep me) safe

and when we kiss
pain shoots through my chest
heartache and longing and grief
for what i have found

(feelings messed up inside)

i love you all wrong